this is an essay of colors and musical notes.

Coming home again
to see a girl that's prettier than a diamond in the sun
oh what fun!
I wonder if she's been naked in her room since I've been gone
I wonder if she said to them as she said to me before

However much you use me baby, come on use me more
However much you use me baby, come on use me more

feeling less philosophical today, and more full of  coke and laughing bubbles. today the smoke only makes me smile. which means that i should be using this time when i dont have to be writing to study for my 3 massive midterms this week. but really, 500 new words in a language i don't speak? no big deal. i love tests. but they're no fun unless they're impossible.

and effing paolo nutini has me all over the floor. god that boy can sing. 

Getting off the train
to see a girl that's sweeter than an apple picked from Adam's tree
oh glory be!
and I wonder if she's been pressed against an unfamiliar wall
and said to all those men as she has said to me before

However much you want me, I swear I'll make you want me more
However much you want me, I swear I'll make you want me more
and more and more and more

la-la-la, la la la la

i've resolved that i need to document garden street and its ridiculous. in shah allah there will be a photo blog in the near future full of just the hilarity that is the store fronts of sharia wasfi-tel. the signs are so great. i mean, "freddy for music", "diplomat car rental", and "k.mart"? i think i want to take a picture of every store front on each side so that in my future home i can recreate garden street in my hallway. a thousand apologies to whoever i live with in the future- but really, im not desolee at all.

do you know what's funny, too? since we're talking about ridiculous. the phrase "in shah allah". we say it after EVERYTHING- it's "see you tomorrow, in shah allah". it means "god willing." so everyone here says it, and we say it- i dont think i've even thought of the word "hopefully" in months. however, with our haram ways, "in shah allah" becomes hilariously great. because our activities generally consist of things that are maybe not optimal from a traditional muslim standpoint? like last night, for example, i said: "yeah if we get there during happy hour drinks won't be ridiculously expensive, in shah allah".

whatever shah literally means, i am pretty sure allah does not "shah" us going to bars. we are maybe asking for bad karma on that one. i think from now on we should possibly not inform him.

i think it may also be time for me to relay some things that i miss about the states, because with the way i talk you all probably think i am dreading going back. so here are a few things:

hot showers that last me more than 4 minutes.

being able to flush toilet paper IN THE TOILET. elhamdelileh.

guacamole i dont have to make myself.

THE INTERNET. IN GENERAL.

similarly, being able to google random things. my knowledge of random facts has gone seriously downhill.

seatbelts. my most used phrase in this country is "we're going to die. right now."

walking.

the ocean.

my skateboard.

working out. i am way out of shape. like WAY.

not being as white as a fish.

tank tops, non-floor-length skirts- basically, my real clothes.

eye contact.

not being glared at by every female everywhere.

tap water that does not contain some sort of bird species.

understanding what my waiter is saying at a cafe.

nachos. dear god, freebirds, come back to me.

the beach. the beach. the beach.

sidewalks.

running.

normal-shaped soda cans.

not wearing the same pair of jeans every day for months.

24-hour anything.

clean socks. clean ANYTHING.

washing machines that i dont have to fill or drain myself.

and you all, or course, i miss my mom and my dad and my friends and my wonderfully obnoxious siblings more than anything else.

but i'll miss jordan so much. i'll miss water that comes in jello containers, and cold showers, and our washing machine that is named friendship, and bathrooms that are really just stalls with holes in them, and demolished/never really built sidewalks, and uneven stairs, and being honked at on the street (literally) about once every 22 seconds (we counted). and argeelah everywhere, and turkish coffee, and this pair of jeans, and the call to prayer, and 25 cent sandwiches, and notebooks that open the opposite way, and the smell of cigarettes, and not understanding what anyone's saying. 

and i'll miss the 237569834765 people who judge me every minute- they make me sure of who i am. 

and i'll miss sauntering across a 3lane road full of oncoming traffic that may or may not stop- it makes me sure of what i have to lose.

and i'll miss not understanding what anyone says- it makes me sure that there are ways in which we are the same, regardless.

and i'll miss not being able to go outside with my hair wet, and doing it anyway, and joking about the "chastity scarf" that i am tying around my head.

and i'll miss missing things- and making do- it makes me see what i can live without and happy with everything i ever had.

and regina spektor will never be the same, and every time a car honks at me, i will now and forever think, "aww... jordan".

this blog is going nowhere. i really should go study. meaning i will be posting something else in 20 minutes once i've given up on knowing all the words relating to women in the workplace and child abuse and the importance of language.

see you then, i guess.

Arriving at the door

just to be told that the girl I'm missing has been in London for a while
no more northern skies for her
they say she's left a letter up the stairs for everyone
it's pinned against her bedroom door for all the world to see and she says

However much I love you, you will always love me more
However much I love you, you will always love me more
and i guess i's true
however much she loves me i will always love her more

la-la-la, la la la la

I'll love you more and more, I'll love you more
I'll love you more and more, I'll love you more
I'll love you more and more, I'll love you more
I'll love you more and more, and more and more...

i'll love you more.