i. am thinking it's a sign.

 that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images.

and when we kiss

they're perfectly aligned.

i am currently avoiding work. granted, it's my own laura-assigned work, i.e. making a massive master list of every vocab word i have learned this semester in both my arabic classes. wow, i must really want to learn arabic.

everyone always asks me why i want to study arabic, and i didn't realize until this semester that i have no idea. i mean now i study it because i love it, because it's beautiful, because i love the middle east, because i think maybe arabic is the language of my heart-- works translated from arabic into english sound much more the way i write than english texts. the metaphors are so much deeper than english. every word means something, every noun is also attached necessarily to a dozen verbs and adjectives, and everything means more. 

and i think maybe arabic and i get on well, and maybe we're meant for each other. but thinking back, i have no no no idea why i thought this was a good idea in the first place. i mean what was i thinking? i can't remember ever having a reason to study it in the first place- i didn't know anything about arabic, or arab culture. and here we are, 3 years later, and i am in jordan studying arabic like it'll save my life, a middle east studies major with no recollection of life before i knew what "assalaamu a'laykum" meant. it makes me wonder what i knew about it at the time, what i thought it would be like. 

so they always ask, and i always say that i have no idea. i just did. and i just do. and i had to, and i have to. i'll never escape this language for the rest of my life. if i believed in fate, or something like it, i'd say we were meant for each other. 

but i wish i knew how to say that in arabic. and i wish i had a reason that made any sense to people. then again, the things that are most important to me are the things i have no words for. so maybe it's better this way.

do you know what i love, in arabic? the dual. if you want 2 books, you ask for kitaabayn. not itnayn kutub (literally, 2 books, the english way), but kitaabayn. i dont know if that makes any sense if you dont speak arabic, but it's really, really cool. like today my argileh flavor is 2 apples, tofehtayn. it's gorgeous.

there also isnt a word for is, really. i mean there is a verb "to be", but it's not used in the sense it is in english. like if you want to say "i am happy", you say ana sa3ida. literally, i happy. so every time you say i, ana, you say "i am". and i dont know why i think that is so beautiful, but it really, really is.

alright enough rambling about the language i should be studying. none of this makes any sense in english anyway.