meandering thoughts

a remembering people. spider-catching girl. shove me in the ocean, let me breathe like fishes do. breathe with me, like fishes do.

the city is covered, now, in a haze of white and heat. it quiets us, subdues the noise of our cars and our humming air conditioners. gives a sense of ending, of quiet apocalypse, as if we had built all we could build and then we fell asleep, leaving the rows of white stone buildings to entertain themselves without us.

i am unsatisfied with everything these days. missing something, wanting something, not ever knowing what. not ever guessing quite right. writing takes such effort now, it flows from my mind all the way to my wrists, stops before it ever reaches my fingertips, as if my veins had gotten tangled in a traffic jam and life only trickles out of them.

if i am home, i want to be out, if i am out, i want to be at home, usually laying on the floor rolling about. i want everything. to eat and to not eat, to write and not to write... i dont know. and i can't believe im leaving this place- forever it seems, even if i come back, but i am glad to be going home, i think. i am everything at once about leaving, happy and sad and worried and confused, but mostly just in denial.

let's go write about adoption in islam. that should be fun. :D